I’ll be Honest With Myself

I decided on my choice of career path pretty early in my high school years. That was pretty different from most students back then. They had a pretty solid idea of whether they would be going into sciences or arts, but aside from that, they were looking for university to show them what they really wanted to do. I chose computers and what was potentially a promising path for me, music, was dropped. I vowed to keep my piano skills up and play whenever I had the chance.

Well, it’s almost been one year now since computer engineering started and what has essentially been end of my music playing days. I have played when Ihave the chance, every so often when I’m home on the weekend. But as I sat there at the piano earlier tonight, I told myself the utter, blunt, saddening truth. I have lost so much of what I had in piano. I tried playing some scales up to speed and some 4 octave arppegios. Needless to say, they were terrible. By my best estimate, I’ve lost about 4 years of technical skill. Four years lost in 10 months. Then as if that wasn’t enough, I tried playing some jazz. Although (somewhat surprisingly) I still seemed to remember the changes from Autumn Leaves, I can no longer hear anything I want to do. I don’t know what my fingers want to do. They have nowhere to go.

Whle music will always be a part of my life (I listen to music seemingly constantly) I’ve lost that music in me. I’ll have to be content with being the spectator, no longer the performer It’s the least I can do to tell myself the truth, even if it hurts.


4 Replies to “I’ll be Honest With Myself”

  1. I wouldn’t use the word lost, persay. You still love music, and I am sure that your piano, even after 10 months is far from “terrible”. But we can’t do everything. Just like when I had to make the decision between swimming and music, I chose music. Everytime I go swimming now I feel like a three year old flopping around, I hate it too. But the times when I pick up my trumpet make up for it a million times over. Unfortunately there just isn’t enough time in a day to have several careers, some just have to suffice as hobbies.

    Although I’ve got to say, if I ever have to write a post resembling the one you just wrote I think I would kill myself:P Just think if you had to write that about computers…

    Which makes me think of how lucky we are in Canada. Just think about most countries in the world where there is mandatory military service for a minimum of 8 months after high school (here in Austria too, to “protect their neutrality”). Just think if I couldn’t play for eight months or you had almost ZERO access to a computer for that long…can you say insane?

  2. In the words of The New Radicals “Don’t let go, you’ve got the music in you.” While your playing may have suffered, you haven’t lost it. I’m sure spending a couple of days with the piano would bring you back to snuff; people don’t just lose all of that. It’s like riding a bike; while it may be years since somone last rode one, and they may be a little sketchy at first, after a few minutes they’d be back to the skills and level they used to be at.

  3. Charlie, I doubt very much that you have “lost” your music. Now I don’t know you except from your blog, so please ignore my advice, but my advice would be play what you can when you can – don’t ever stop playing piano. It may be a hobby, but music is obviously something that you love and are good at, so keep it up.

    I can’t count on my hands the number of older people I’ve met in my life who have said “oh, I used to play [instrument x] when I was at school, but I stopped and I really regret giving it up.” And there is always real sadness in their voice.

    Most musicians in the world are part-time amateurs, and most musicians don’t practice 4 hours a day. Most musicians do many other things in their lives too (like tennis and marketing and computer science), and that is what makes them interesting people to know.

  4. Ello der Teh Chuck and fellers. Good to be back…looks like I have some catching up to do!

    In the meantime, update your links, for Teh Will is back, along with [Insert pretentious name here]!! Under a new address, willetc.blogspot.com.

    Update links everyone!

    (yes this is a generic post that is going on everyone’s blog)

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