I Feel Like

Wow, the predominant feeling right now is one of despair, wanting to scoop my eyeballs out with a spoon, chopping my hand off, etc, etc. Let me explain. It all started last weekend.

So weekend before the midterms. That’s a busy weekend let me tell you. I spent basically my life at the library studying away for linear algebra. Apparently we’ve learned stuff in that class. So I studied quite a bit for that. Then I worked on my programming assignment for ECE150 class. That was just a generally frustrating time. You see I’m starting to understand it all, but it’s still a new concept to me and I’m not exactly proficient in it. Far from it actually. But after probably 6 hours on that, I finish. Friday night and Saturday night, usually reserved for some sort of social activity was taken up by studying. Well, that’s not true. I’ve been doing a lot of studying with two fellow Computer Engineering classmates and they’re a lot of fun so it’s not like it’s all work. But still, at the end of each day, I felt mentally drained.

Monday: Classes start getting smaller due to people skipping to study. I also receive some awesome news. That interview I went to? Well I ranked it 1 on my job rankings since it sounded like a very nice job that I would definitely learn a lot in and push my abilities. Well, I got it! I was so unbelievably happy about that. However, I forgot to ask the salary at the interview so I have no clue as to what I’ll actually be paid. It’s basically up the road from our university though so at least housing won’t be too expensive. Not like living in downtown Toronto anyways… So I can now officially say I’ll be working for SlipStream Data, a company that has a very promising technology that is already used by a very large amount of customers. I’m very excited and can hardly wait to start there.

Tuesday: The day of my Linear Algebra midterm was a hectic one. Of course being the person I am, I crammed at the last minute for it. Classes were very small. We had probably 1/3 of our class at lectures. See the thing is, these profs don’t stop or slow down cause people aren’t there. They don’t baby you around here. So Linear Algebra wasn’t too bad at all. There were a few tricky questions, but the overall feeling was a good one. The studying definitely paid off fairly well.

Wednesday: Studying like mad for ECE150, possibly my weakest subject. I’m at the library again this day working on old assignments to see if I can still do them. I also read a bunch of the textbook material again since it’s been a while since I had last read it and there was still about 50 pages I hadn’t even looked at. I don’t do badly on the old assignments at all. However remember this is with the help of a computer compiler that checks for coding errors and helps you correct them. Paper isn’t so good at that. I know it’s going to be tough to write out good code on paper. But I understand the concepts and feel okay.

Thursday: Totally utterly crushed. Generally feel like dieing and blowing my face off with a bazooka. If I’m going to fail anything, it’ll be this midterm. Let’s put it this way, I didn’t finish it and left 16 marks out of 90 blank. Totally utterly blank. Zero, zip, nadda, goose-egg, 0. I had an overpoweringly sick feeling. But thankfully it wasn’t just me. Although I’m just a beginner programmer, even the more experienced ones found the exam very lengthy. Let’s put it this way. For this year’s midterm, they shrank the time down to 1:30 from 2:00 of last years. It was longer in terms of actual work and harder than last years… Yeah… So of the parts that I actually did, I did pretty well (I think, don’t want to say that then get totally owned) but the problem is that I didn’t do all of it. However I think I know what screwed me over. I spent too much time perfecting the programs I did work on. If I had of left them semi-okay and moved on, I could’ve finished the exam in its entirety and probably gotten more points for doing all of them half-assed than doing some of it well. Kinda goes against what they taught you in high school no? So I basically wanted to die at that point, but hearing everyone else’s troubles kinda eased my pain as sick as that may sound.

So we’re on to Friday. Today. I had nightmares about the exam last night and I’m pretty ashamed to say it as it shows you how pathetic I am. But I’ve never felt that way before. New experience you know. I’m feeling a lot better now, had a pretty grueling day of lectures again though. I don’t understand why they made our Fridays so deadly. I’m also going back home for the weekend. Even though it’s always nice to get away from the folks and all, when tough times arise, it’s good to know that there’s a safe haven somewhere for me where I can let everything go. Then again, I’ll be studying like hell anyways, so that doesn’t really make much of a difference…

Troubles? Definitely, but I think I’ll be okay. Chances are our final exams will be weighted a lot heavier if we have a marked improvement on them over the midterms. I’m determined to do better on that. But for now, this image adequately portrays my feelings. What’s wrong with this picture now…


2 Replies to “I Feel Like”

  1. But look! The weather slowly but steadily gets better. 7 one day, 8 the next and then, finally, 9. That means even if you feel like “crappy weather” (nice filename btw) now, it’s going to get better and things will start looking up.

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