Wallowing

I’ll be honest. I’ve never faced change very well. It’s why I didn’t want to leave PEI when I had to. It’s why I feared going to university. It’s why I worry now.

Tomorrow I enter the working world. It’s the world of those dull 9-5 jobs that you oft hear about. I don’t worry about being bored. I don’t worry about hating my job. I worry about the changes I must adapt to. Take, for example, this simple matter. On PEI (at least before I left) there was never a mass transit system. I had never ridden on a bus, I still don’t know how to. I’m sure it won’t be too complicated but it’ll be a new experience for me. For the past half hour I’ve been digging around the website of the transit system attempting to assimilate all the imformation regarding my bus route. I know I have to take the 7 up to the Connestoga Mall and then transfer to route 14. Unfortunately the route 7 time schedule is far from clear. There’s so many times splayed out and it’s really quite diconnected such that I can’t really follow which line goes where. I’m sure I’ll eventually figure it out, but I’ll have to make sure since I wouldn’t want to be late for my first day of work. That definitely wouldn’t look too good on my part.

Even now, I can hardly accept that I’ll be going back to Waterloo. Once more I leave this home of mine to go out into the world, to fend for myself, to live on my own, to learn to take responsibility for my actions. Once more I go to university unsure of the people I’ll meet and the things I’ll do and see. While my last go at that was definitely agreeable, I still have some apprehension about it. It wasn’t exactly easy the first time around and I’m sure it won’t be this time either. I wonder who I’ll meet. I’ve heard it’ll be mostly upper year students who’ll inhabit the residences. Will there be a disconnect between us? After all I’m in first year and a young one at that. While not all in the same faculty, they’ll all share the same pains of study while I will not. The worries are endless.

I don’t know exactly what faces me tomorrow. I don’t know what exactly will happen in the coming months. But I do know for certain that by the end of this all, I’ll have learned many things. I’ll know what it’s like to sit through that 9-5 job. I’ll know how to use the transit system in Waterloo. I’ll know loneliness. I’ll learn to do things on my own that I didn’t use to, things that I’ve taken for granted up until now. Maybe that’s what worries me most. What won’t be there when I expect it to? What am I forgetting or not even realize I’m forgetting? That truly scares me.

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