I have this little problem. You see I canâ€™t seem to let go of the past. It seems like everything reminds me of it. I can look up a road and see Forest Drive. Every person I meet, I try to match with someone I know already. (So far, Iâ€™ve met a Patrick, JT, Jordan, just to name a few) Itâ€™s really quite a bad habit to be honest. I talk too much about the â€œgood old timesâ€. I talk too much about what I did â€œback on PEIâ€. Everything I see and hear reminds me of something from what seems like a previous life. Itâ€™s a life that Iâ€™ve left and become detached from.
I was never a huge fan of change. Actually, I hated change and perhaps I still do; Iâ€™m not entirely certain. Back when I was much younger, there was talk of moving to Alberta. Oh, I argued and fumed about how Iâ€™d have to leave my friends and everything else I knew and was used to behind. (Considering the situation in Alberta right now, that probably wouldnâ€™t have been a bad move at all.)
By the end of high school, I think I had just plan accepted the fact that I would be moving away for university. I knew I couldnâ€™t stay on the Island for school. For what I wanted to do (Computer Engineering clearly), the university there, and even in the surrounding provinces just didnâ€™t cut it for me. So seemingly out of necessity, I had come to terms with that eventuality. Now, letâ€™s fast forward to today, almost 10 months since moving to Ontario.
I think I like it here. Iâ€™m learning and experiencing things I know I would not have learned if I were still on PEI. On the other hand, Iâ€™m not experiencing and learning things if I were still on PEI. Thatâ€™s just the way it goes. That in itself doesnâ€™t really bother me much. Of course, weâ€™re going to be doing and seeing different things. Weâ€™re not the same people in the same places. But there is one thing that really bothers and tears at me. What have become of friends I had and still have from my elementary, junior, and finally senior high school years?
I spoke with two of them about this topic specifically when we were still in the safe cocoon of high school. What would happen when we moved apart? Weâ€™d have so much less in common. Even though we didnâ€™t all like the same things, at least we went through our day to day lives somewhat connected. It would have been unusual to go a lengthy period of time without seeing or talking to them. There was always something from school or band or the previous night to talk about when we got together. And when there was absolutely none of that, we could still dwell on the meaning of life for hours and hours on end. There was definitely no shortage of things to say. Even vegging out in front of a TV was usually pretty entertaining. No, we werenâ€™t all that similar. One would die for music, one was a politician (:D) and one was a nerd. 😐
Today, weâ€™re in, literally, different parts of the world. But in a couple months weâ€™ll meet again when I visit PEI. While I look forward to the opportunity to visit and see old friends, Iâ€™m not sure what to expect. Will we still be â€œbest friendsâ€. Will we be able to sit down and actually have a conversation or will it be a matter of explaining the â€˜extraordinaryâ€™ feats weâ€™ve accomplished over the past year? Then what happens after that? Do we sit there in silence hoping someone else will still have another story to tell? At times I even feel like I distance myself from friends Iâ€™ve made here at university, lest I be â€˜disloyalâ€™ to my childhood friends.
One scene in the show â€˜Houseâ€™ I saw this past week basically nailed my thoughts on the head. One doctor tells another that while they may still send a Christmas card every once in a while and even hug if they meet at a conference, they will only do so as colleagues, not as friends. So when Iâ€™m old and someone points to your picture in my yearbook, will I answer, â€œOh, he was just a colleagueâ€, or will I say, â€œAhhh, heâ€™s a good friend of mine.â€