Stuck In The Past

I have this little problem. You see I can’t seem to let go of the past. It seems like everything reminds me of it. I can look up a road and see Forest Drive. Every person I meet, I try to match with someone I know already. (So far, I’ve met a Patrick, JT, Jordan, just to name a few) It’s really quite a bad habit to be honest. I talk too much about the “good old times”. I talk too much about what I did “back on PEI”. Everything I see and hear reminds me of something from what seems like a previous life. It’s a life that I’ve left and become detached from.

I was never a huge fan of change. Actually, I hated change and perhaps I still do; I’m not entirely certain. Back when I was much younger, there was talk of moving to Alberta. Oh, I argued and fumed about how I’d have to leave my friends and everything else I knew and was used to behind. (Considering the situation in Alberta right now, that probably wouldn’t have been a bad move at all.)

By the end of high school, I think I had just plan accepted the fact that I would be moving away for university. I knew I couldn’t stay on the Island for school. For what I wanted to do (Computer Engineering clearly), the university there, and even in the surrounding provinces just didn’t cut it for me. So seemingly out of necessity, I had come to terms with that eventuality. Now, let’s fast forward to today, almost 10 months since moving to Ontario.

I think I like it here. I’m learning and experiencing things I know I would not have learned if I were still on PEI. On the other hand, I’m not experiencing and learning things if I were still on PEI. That’s just the way it goes. That in itself doesn’t really bother me much. Of course, we’re going to be doing and seeing different things. We’re not the same people in the same places. But there is one thing that really bothers and tears at me. What have become of friends I had and still have from my elementary, junior, and finally senior high school years?

I spoke with two of them about this topic specifically when we were still in the safe cocoon of high school. What would happen when we moved apart? We’d have so much less in common. Even though we didn’t all like the same things, at least we went through our day to day lives somewhat connected. It would have been unusual to go a lengthy period of time without seeing or talking to them. There was always something from school or band or the previous night to talk about when we got together. And when there was absolutely none of that, we could still dwell on the meaning of life for hours and hours on end. There was definitely no shortage of things to say. Even vegging out in front of a TV was usually pretty entertaining. No, we weren’t all that similar. One would die for music, one was a politician (:D) and one was a nerd. 😐

Today, we’re in, literally, different parts of the world. But in a couple months we’ll meet again when I visit PEI. While I look forward to the opportunity to visit and see old friends, I’m not sure what to expect. Will we still be “best friends”. Will we be able to sit down and actually have a conversation or will it be a matter of explaining the ‘extraordinary’ feats we’ve accomplished over the past year? Then what happens after that? Do we sit there in silence hoping someone else will still have another story to tell? At times I even feel like I distance myself from friends I’ve made here at university, lest I be ‘disloyal’ to my childhood friends.

One scene in the show ‘House’ I saw this past week basically nailed my thoughts on the head. One doctor tells another that while they may still send a Christmas card every once in a while and even hug if they meet at a conference, they will only do so as colleagues, not as friends. So when I’m old and someone points to your picture in my yearbook, will I answer, “Oh, he was just a colleague”, or will I say, “Ahhh, he’s a good friend of mine.”

2 thoughts on “Stuck In The Past”

  1. Hmmmm. It sounds like you have been thinking about this post for a while now, Chucks. We have talked about it, of course (as we are both a little bit far away from the island at the moment)… I think I have stated what I think, but just to kind of say it in a public fashion…

    It’s easy to worry about how things have changed. It’s harder to see that you, too, have changed as well. People that you speak about might be thinking that you are different now, that you might not want to talk about “the meaning of life” on Nick’s couch anymore…

    But the thing is, you have to try it out when you get the chance. The conversation will flow freely, I guarantee it. It won’t be the same, but things can’t be. If life hadn’t changed in the year (and a bit) that you hadn’t seen these people, you would be worse off. I know that we will share our stories with each other (hopefully without competing :P) and then we will move on and be friends again…. yes, friends who have changed but friends none-the-less.

  2. That post made me smile, laugh out loud and almost cry…also write like a book critic which I will immediately stop.

    As for friends there are some who I think will fit right in together, in a new found groove, while others will continue on parallel paths. I truly can’t wait to see you again in August, but I already dread the separation again. I’m going to call you…I just need to find your number again:P

    Don’t work too hard,

    Nick

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