Some of my Fears

I have a few fears, and no not of the boogeyman in my closet. I now just accept that he’s there so no more fears. :# These ‘fears’ are more worries for me. Yeah, yeah, I know it’s bad to worry. My mom even says it stunts my growth; maybe that explains the reason for my immense height… Anyways, here’s a little rundown.

    First and foremost I’m worried about what will happen next year. It’ll be a big change for all of us. I’ll be leaving all of my friends on my way to Ontario. University scares the crap out of me. I don’t know what it’s going to be like having lived with my parents almost all my life to be all of a sudden without them for months at a time. It’s not that I want to rely on them forever, (I know I can’t) but the fact is, I don’t know how ready I will be to move out. Everyone eventually does, but I don’t know if it’ll be as fun as they say.
    As pathetic as it sounds, I’m afraid I won’t be able to raise children as well as I have been raised. Now I’m still young and all and haven’t experienced much of life yet, but I just think of all the things that could go wrong and freak at the prospect. I’ve even talked to my parents about it and I ask them what they did for me that was so successful. Now I’m not saying I’m perfect or anything, far from it. All I’m saying is that I’m extremely happy with who I am and I would like nothing less for my children. So yeah, call me weird or whatever, but it’s been a topic that has occupied my attention more than a couple times in the past.
    School. I know I’m almost done of high school and marks don’t really matter much anymore, but they still do. Sure I’ve got my acceptance letter and everything, but there’s a sort of moral issue here. It just doesn’t feel right anymore to destroy what I’ve worked so hard for so many years to build; my good habits. I can already feel that I’ve slipped big time recently. I really don’t want to, but at this point in my life, I feel as though I have better things to do than sit around and study or do homework. I’d rather be out with the friends and enjoying what little time I have left with them. It shouldn’t be a tough choice to make. I’ll be able to study in the future; my friends won’t be around nearly as much soon. It’s my last days at high school with people I’ve known for nearly all my life. I think I have the right to enjoy them to the utmost.
    And then there’s the subject of relations. Just because it’s last in this list, definitely does not speak of its prominence in my daily thoughts. I feel as though I shouldn’t be looking for anything at this point, but it’s tough to push those feelings down all the time. I find a few common threads cycling through my mind over and over. I talked to some friends about it, and they don’t find anything wrong with pursuing someone at this time, but I’m still not sure. I’m sure it’s something that will just happen if it will. I’ll try not to work too hard at it.

Well there’s a couple things for now. Oh there’s more where that came from but either they’re not as strong in my mind or I’m just not thinking about them right now.

Charlie.

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