I just realized that I never got around to actually publishing this post. I wrote up a rough draft of it, but I wasn’t really sure what I wanted to say at the time, but I think it’s time that I got around to completing it.
I guess there’s one good thing about not knowing anyone back home. I was home for 2 weeks over the Christmas break in Niagara Falls. I had plenty of extra time on my hands and I spent it thinking. A lot. I even called (somewhat randomly) some friends who are now, literally all over the world. And maybe that’s what changed something in me. It was the first time I had actually heard those people who I consider my best friends with my own ears. Sure there’s sending emails and talking on MSN or whatever, but nothing can beat just chatting it up like old times. I was surprised just how I missed sitting with the phone just hearing them on the other end of it. I really didn’t want to hang up and I did eventually talk quite a long while those couple days.
Well, I was talking with one person about university choices since they’re currently on a Rotary exchange (lucky). Anyways this person expressed interest in coming to the University of Waterloo. Now, at the time I think I may have sounded like I was discouraging that thought, but I really was thinking the exact opposite. Now I tried to keep friends off my list of priorities when picking a university to attend. However, just the mention of the possibility had me choking on my stomach. I don’t think I could imagine anything better than to have a good friend here. Yes, I’m being selfish right now, but I tried to push my own bias out of my mind when talking about it with that person. Perhaps I unbiased myself a little too much and sounded like I was pushing elsewhere away. I definitely didn’t mean it. Not like UWaterloo’s not a good school. 😉
Sure I’ve made friends, quite a few of them in fact. But I always have this nagging feeling that I’m putting on some mask that just isn’t me. Around my friends from PEI, I could act just about any way I wanted and know that they’d be okay with it. But here, I’m wary of trying that. Friendships aren’t exactly concrete as hell and doing something stupid could turn out rather poorly. Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to shut myself in that hole I call my room and come out only for the necessities. At least I wouldn’t have to fake me in there. You don’t understand just how tiring it is to be “Charlie” here. I wish I could just not care, but some bit of pride or something prevents me from it.
But whatever. I’ll be (more than likely) going to visit the Island this coming summer. You can’t imagine how much I’m looking forward to that. To once more be among friends will be a great feeling.